It’s been a while since I’ve updated you on my story. A lot has happened since my last post. Some of the news was good, but nothing comes without consequence. To those who are reading this for the first time, my mom has terminal lung cancer. There is nothing more that modern medicine can do to attempt to heal her. The option now is to expand the time she still has with us. When she was diagnosed in October 2014, we were told that she would live only for a few months; it’s now June 2016 and she is still here. Not without struggle, however.
My mom didn’t receive any form of treatment for about 2 months. The reason for this is because the hospital nearby didn’t have the resources needed to treat her. That’s why the staff informed us that, from that point forward, we had to see if the specialized hospital in Amsterdam could provide more effective options for her. However, the whole transition from one hospital to the other just took too long. While waiting for her next treatment her condition took a turn for the worse. She was more fatigued throughout the entire day and couldn’t do the day-to-day household tasks such as picking up something from the ground or doing the laundry. The worst thing is the pain. While taking the stairs, she moans from the pain in her body, and has to grab with both hands on the stairway to get up.
Sometimes I wonder how I could help her, to make the pain go away… If there were a way God could let me suffer instead of her? It’s weird that I’m saying this because I lost all faith in God when my mom became sick. Yet, I still like to talk to him, asking “why her?” When I start to fantasize about the moments that she is not suffering, I always start to cry (like right now). It is just the idea that she already has experienced so much and the pain makes it all worse. My mom says, “I did everything for God, I helped other people and gave money to the poor. I will leave this place soon but God will give you, my children, all the luck in the world instead of me.” Bullshit. God, if you are reading this, you are pathetic. My mom did everything for you, in your name, the name of God. Now you thank her by giving this horrible sickness to her and let her think that you will pay her back by giving us all the luck? Sorry God, I was getting a little bit too emotional. But you understand me right?
After 2 months, my mom finally received an invitation for her first consultation at the specialized hospital in Amsterdam. On the 20th of June they began her first new treatment called immuno therapy. There is a 20% chance that it will work out well for her. I hope that it will give some positive results because she has been waiting for so long. Every time when she receives a treatment she gets a little bit stronger.
For now, we have to see how her body will react on this treatment. It is a long process with a lot of side effects, mostly negative. But we can not give up and we have to stay strong as a family, we must believe that there is something. I would be pleased if they can reduce the pain, because how long can she go on like this?
Thanks a lot for reading x
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Edited by Sarah Cook
I hope that your mom is getting some relief from her pain. She is fortunate to have such a loving, supportive family. I will be keeping your family in my thoughts. Continue to just be there for her. ((Hug))
Awwwh thankyou hon for all the support you give me all the time <3
Oh my love, I’m so sorry about the hospital situation and how things have gotten a bit worse, but I’m hoping that this new therapy will help your mom. It’s hard to watch someone you love and feel so helpless like you can’t do anything to help them, I felt the same way when my nonna was dying of cancer too. There was nothing I could do to help. But us just being there for them is what we can do, and just giving the love that we have and enjoying every moment.
I’m glad you can write these posts to let out how you feel and what you’re going through, I think it’s really important and for yourself to have this space here—and you have all of us here to lend you a helping hand as well. And you always know I’m here too. Love you darling and sending you a big hug~
Thankyouuu lovely mikaaa, your messages always cheer me up! Everytime when you leave a comment begin they are so educative and inspirational. So sad to hear that you experienced the same ): But like you said, we can’t do mucht than giving support and be their for eachother. My dad and lil sis became so much closer now, we are kind of already “used” to the situation to be left with 3 people in the house because my mom is in the hospital often. I really appreciate all the support and kind words you give me, you have a speciale place in my heart <3
You and your mom are ever in my prayers! Ever sending love and light for her healing!
Thankyou Claudia for you prayers, it really means a lot to me <3
Top of the morning to you, An!
You are most welcome, always. I’m praying for you, your beautiful mother and your family! Spirit is ever moving for our good. <3
Ik lees nu voor het eerst over dat je moeder worstelt met deze ziekte. Bij naar toeval heeft mijn oma dus ook een (zeldzame vorm van) longkanker wat niet meer te genezen valt. En ze gaat ook regelmatig naar het gespecialiseerde ziekenhuis in Amsterdam. M’n oma is echt als m’n moeder voor me. Niet om het over mij te maken, maar ik denk wel te weten hoe je je voelt.
Je wilt zo graag iets voor haar kunnen doen, maar voelt je machteloos. Maar geloof me, dat je zo veel voor haar zou willen doen betekent al enorm veel voor haar 🙂
Spijtig om te horen van je oma, het is een verschrikkelijke ziekte die helaas veel families treft. Wel fijn dat we elkaar begrijpen en dat we hetzelfde meemaken momenteel. Vind je wel sterk overkomen, dat naast je oma je wel zeer actief blijft met je instagram en blog! Ik voel me zo vaak machteloos maar wat je zegt, we kunnen niets veel doen dan alleen maar steun bieden en dat waardeert zij zeer erg. <3 veel sterkte met je oma
Oh, wat heftig allemaal! Ik lees het nu voor het eerst, maar het lijkt mij zo moeilijk om mee te maken. Ik snap wel dat je dan God niet kunt begrijpen waarom dat juist nu moet gebeuren. Ik denk dat je moeder het al heel fijn vindt dat je zo met haar meeleeft! Heel veel sterkte! Je kunt het <3
Zucht, het is inderdaad allemaal heftig. Soms is het teveel voor mij maar dan denk ik aan de momenten die ik nog met haar kan hebben. Dankjewel voor je lieve berichtje <3
I really hope her pain goes away! I will be sending postive thoughts your way xo
Thankyou Amy for you support and kind words <3
I struggled with similar issues when my mom was ill with cancer. Unfortunately, there are no easy answers. All you can do is be at your mother’s side and help her deal with everyday issues that she’s unable to handle. She’s lucky to have such a thoughtful daughter.
I can’t imagine what you’re going through right now, but lots of love to you. Sending virtual hugs xx
Your mother is lucky to have such a caring, lovely daughter. Unfortunately I cant do much for you, but I’ll be sticking around in case you need anyone to talk to. #followed <3 Xx
Dear An, my mum is keeping me a little up to date, as she has visited your mum a few times… Thinking about your mum, you, and your family every day. Sending my love and support. <3
Thankyouu dear, you mom is so lovely. I am so thankful that she visits my mom so often.
Just catching up on your posts and sending you positive thoughts and prayers. Thinking of you and your family at this difficult and challenging time.
Again, thank you so much for reading my blog and telling your own story. It really touched me and made me think that I have to call my mom more often and has her how she is. At the moment she is in the hospice because we can’t take care of her anymore but she receives the best treatment now there. Thankyouuu X