It’s been a while since I’ve updated you on my story. A lot has happened since my last post. Some of the news was good, but nothing comes without consequence. To those who are reading this for the first time, my mom has terminal lung cancer. There is nothing more that modern medicine can do to attempt to heal her. The option now is to expand the time she still has with us. When she was diagnosed in October 2014, we were told that she would live only for a few months; it’s now June 2016 and she is still here. Not without struggle, however.
My mom didn’t receive any form of treatment for about 2 months. The reason for this is because the hospital nearby didn’t have the resources needed to treat her. That’s why the staff informed us that, from that point forward, we had to see if the specialized hospital in Amsterdam could provide more effective options for her. However, the whole transition from one hospital to the other just took too long. While waiting for her next treatment her condition took a turn for the worse. She was more fatigued throughout the entire day and couldn’t do the day-to-day household tasks such as picking up something from the ground or doing the laundry. The worst thing is the pain. While taking the stairs, she moans from the pain in her body, and has to grab with both hands on the stairway to get up.
Sometimes I wonder how I could help her, to make the pain go away… If there were a way God could let me suffer instead of her? It’s weird that I’m saying this because I lost all faith in God when my mom became sick. Yet, I still like to talk to him, asking “why her?” When I start to fantasize about the moments that she is not suffering, I always start to cry (like right now). It is just the idea that she already has experienced so much and the pain makes it all worse. My mom says, “I did everything for God, I helped other people and gave money to the poor. I will leave this place soon but God will give you, my children, all the luck in the world instead of me.” Bullshit. God, if you are reading this, you are pathetic. My mom did everything for you, in your name, the name of God. Now you thank her by giving this horrible sickness to her and let her think that you will pay her back by giving us all the luck? Sorry God, I was getting a little bit too emotional. But you understand me right?
After 2 months, my mom finally received an invitation for her first consultation at the specialized hospital in Amsterdam. On the 20th of June they began her first new treatment called immuno therapy. There is a 20% chance that it will work out well for her. I hope that it will give some positive results because she has been waiting for so long. Every time when she receives a treatment she gets a little bit stronger.
For now, we have to see how her body will react on this treatment. It is a long process with a lot of side effects, mostly negative. But we can not give up and we have to stay strong as a family, we must believe that there is something. I would be pleased if they can reduce the pain, because how long can she go on like this?
Thanks a lot for reading x
Edited by Sarah Cook