How I cope with my moms cancer pt.4

How I cope with my moms cancer pt.4

Hii everyone,

When we discovered my mom was ill it was October 2014, now we are in April 2016 and she is still here with us. People around us say that she is doing well if she is still alive, but they are obviously wrong. You can say that she seems fine because she is still with us but her conditions are clearly getting worse.

For a long time my mom had thick black hair, even after 30 chemo’s and more than 40 radiation therapy’s she still had a lot of thick hair. From the outside she only gained a lot of weight but you couldn’t really tell that she was dying.

People usually link cancer with weight loss or losing hair. My mom had neither of these symptoms. That was frustrating because people thought she was okay: she still had hair and she even gained weight! Which means she can still eat, nothing is wrong with her.

I get so mad when people ask me if she is getting better, I told them a million times that she is terminal. But everything they see or hear is her being alive and still able to do all the daily things in life. My mom is a fighter, maybe you can say she is a typical Asian woman. Doing her thing when she struggles she keeps it to herself. That’s why people from the outside only see her doing amazing stuff while she is sick.

Last month the cancer spread to her brain, this time they had to do radiation near her brain. The doctors told us that this she will definitely lose her hair. For us it was no big deal because her hair was already starting to curl and it became really dry. But the phase that you will lose your hair as a woman is still painful.

When they shaved her head I noticed that she became emotional. This was a real sign, a real tell that someone has cancer. Deep inside of me I thought: maybe people will finally start taking this seriously. Maybe now that she is bald people will realize that she is really dying. I mean being bald is usually connected with a bad illness. Maybe they will believe me now that she is in a really bad condition.

I have the feeling that people around me think I am making up this situation to get more attention. I noticed that a few close people turned their back to me. This is an assumption not something I know for sure. I think that people don’t believe me because when we just discovered that my mom was sick, the doctors told us that she didn’t have much time. We already prepared everything: funeral, clothes that she would wear and even giving away all her stuff. Nobody believed that she would get any better, that’s why I told everyone that my mom would die soon. But thank God her body is stronger than everybody is thinking. Maybe that’s the reason why people don’t take me serious now, because she is still alive.

To be continued…

Thanks a lot for reading x


Cult Beauty Ltd.


  1. April 28, 2016 / 11:45

    Thank you for sharing with us *sending virtual hugs*

    • April 28, 2016 / 16:09

      Thankyou as always for reading and supporting me. I always notice that u read my stories everytime and leave a comment behind to support me, i really appreciate it hon! <333

  2. April 28, 2016 / 11:47

    I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. Sending you all the light and love.

    • April 28, 2016 / 16:09

      Thank you sweetheart for your kind message and the love and support u give me !! <3

  3. Blushstopshere
    May 2, 2016 / 14:18

    I have been where you are. I’m wishing the best thoughts for you and your mom.

    • May 2, 2016 / 14:29

      Thank you so much for your sweet word and your support. It awlays touch me when people say this to me <3

  4. May 2, 2016 / 14:21

    Awe sweetheart I feel you ❤ having been through similar & not looking sick when you are people are too quick to open their mouth, as if you have to look sick to be ill & I know losing my hair was worse than losing a breast. Big hugs to you & your mum ❤❤ don’t forget to look after yourself ❤❤❤

    • May 2, 2016 / 14:32

      I hope you are all okay now? I want to thank you for your story and your kind kind words <3 it really means a lot to me

      • May 2, 2016 / 14:37

        I just wish cancer didn’t exist hunnie ❤ I’m fine now but my dad was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer at Christmas 🙁 cancer is devastating to everyone not only the sufferer but to the whole family and sometimes you get overlooked and the feeling of anger, pain, emotions you didn’t want to have you are forced to try & deal with ❤ always look after your own health too hunnie ❤❤

        • May 2, 2016 / 14:46

          I am so sorry to hear that! yea it does have a lot of effect on the whole family. the most annoying is that in my family no one really support us so me and my father have to take care of her while she has a brother and sister here. But we can’t blame them because they also have to work and take care of their own family… <3Yesh I will also think about myself

  5. May 2, 2016 / 15:01

    I’m always here if you want to talk hunnie, my email address is on my blog ❤❤

    • May 2, 2016 / 15:19

      Aawwh thankyou for this! I will definitely make contact with u when needed <3

  6. Jamilla
    May 17, 2016 / 19:27

    Lieve An,

    Al een aantal maanden geleden heb ik via mijn moeder vernomen in welke situatie jouw moeder zit en ook je familie. Het was echt een shock om te horen. Ik heb al die tijd niets laten horen, omdat we geen contact meer hebben gehad sinds onze jeugd. Toch wil ik graag laten weten dat ik regelmatig aan je moeder en jou moet denken en hoop ik dat jullie veel steun bij elkaar vinden. Het moet echt verschrikkelijk zijn wat je nu allemaal mee moet maken en ik kan me er bijna geen voorstelling van maken. Ik wens je moeder, jou en je familie heel veel sterkte! Liefs, je oude buurmeisje Jamilla

    • May 18, 2016 / 10:40

      Zo leuk dat je me hier hebt gevonden! Het betekend heel veel voor mij dat je na al die tijd mij hebt weten te vinden en dit verteld. Ook heel lief van je moeder dat zij regelmatig langskomt voor mijn moeder. Bedankje voor je lieve woorden en steun! X

  7. May 19, 2016 / 19:01

    big hugs and kisses xx

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