When we discovered my mom was ill it was October 2014, now we are in April 2016 and she is still here with us. People around us say that she is doing well if she is still alive, but they are obviously wrong. You can say that she seems fine because she is still with us but her conditions are clearly getting worse.
For a long time my mom had thick black hair, even after 30 chemo’s and more than 40 radiation therapy’s she still had a lot of thick hair. From the outside she only gained a lot of weight but you couldn’t really tell that she was dying.
People usually link cancer with weight loss or losing hair. My mom had neither of these symptoms. That was frustrating because people thought she was okay: she still had hair and she even gained weight! Which means she can still eat, nothing is wrong with her.
I get so mad when people ask me if she is getting better, I told them a million times that she is terminal. But everything they see or hear is her being alive and still able to do all the daily things in life. My mom is a fighter, maybe you can say she is a typical Asian woman. Doing her thing when she struggles she keeps it to herself. That’s why people from the outside only see her doing amazing stuff while she is sick.
Last month the cancer spread to her brain, this time they had to do radiation near her brain. The doctors told us that this she will definitely lose her hair. For us it was no big deal because her hair was already starting to curl and it became really dry. But the phase that you will lose your hair as a woman is still painful.
When they shaved her head I noticed that she became emotional. This was a real sign, a real tell that someone has cancer. Deep inside of me I thought: maybe people will finally start taking this seriously. Maybe now that she is bald people will realize that she is really dying. I mean being bald is usually connected with a bad illness. Maybe they will believe me now that she is in a really bad condition.
I have the feeling that people around me think I am making up this situation to get more attention. I noticed that a few close people turned their back to me. This is an assumption not something I know for sure. I think that people don’t believe me because when we just discovered that my mom was sick, the doctors told us that she didn’t have much time. We already prepared everything: funeral, clothes that she would wear and even giving away all her stuff. Nobody believed that she would get any better, that’s why I told everyone that my mom would die soon. But thank God her body is stronger than everybody is thinking. Maybe that’s the reason why people don’t take me serious now, because she is still alive.
To be continued…
Thanks a lot for reading x