I think everybody has experienced this situation: your loved ones are in a difficult situation, you want to ask them how they are doing but at the same time you are afraid to bother them. You are curious about their current situation but when you ask you probably get an irritated reaction or even worse: ‘I’m fine’ when they clearly aren’t. I struggle with this every day.
Every day I want to ask my mom how she is feeling. But it sounds like a stupid question, she is dying why would I ask her if she is okay? Ofcourse she is not okay. However what I would like to know is if she has enjoyed her day or what is going through her mind. When I finally manage to find the nerve to ask her, she always answers me with very few words. I get so frustrated because as a daughter I would like to know all there is to know before it’s too late.
My mom is a typical woman, she can talk for hours with her friends on the phone. My parents think I can’t understand Vietnamese because they never taught me, but they are wrong.
When my mom is on the phone I can pick up a few lines. I noticed she discusses everything with her friends and I heard things she never even mentioned to me or my sister. That really bothers me.
One day my mom was kind of moody, she yelled at me saying I never ask her how she is doing. Wait what? I ask you all the time but you never answer me or hit me with the aforementioned ‘fine’. That is why I stopped asking her everyday and only asked her when she came back from the hospital after a consult. I told her asking her was hopeless since I didn’t get an answer anyway. I started to get frustrated and asked her why she never tells us everything but her friends know every little detail. We are your daughters but you feel it is more important to tell your friends how you are doing. When you are gone do you think your friends will be here to take care of dad? You even tell them you are in pain every day but when we ask you don’t even give us an answer. It is important to us that we can share emotions and feelings while you are still here. Why do you do this to us? Why do you constantly shut us out?
I yelled and cried, feeling angry and sad at the same time. All this time she was hiding so many things from us. She even hid the results of the last test, when they discoved the cancer spread to her hip and spinal cord. We had to find this out by overhearing her talk to her friends on the phone. It is important to us to know how she is doing. Often times people ask me how my mom is doing. Do you know how stupid it makes me feel having to answer: Honestly I don’t know. They are probably thinking what kind of daughter doesn’t know how her sick mom is doing?
To be continued . . .
Thanks a lot for reading x