How I cope with my moms cancer pt.1

Hii everyone!

I started this blog as a way to share my love of make up and beauty. But not only that I also use these things as a way to keep my mind of a certain issue. An issue many families have to cope with sadly.

It’s something very personal and a lot of my friends en family around me don’t know what I experience in daily life or how I feel when I wake up. So far I don’t have a good experience with sharing my thoughts and feelings with other people in real life, so I thought: why not share my feelings and problems with you? Maybe you can help me out of this frustration.

I will tell you what is going on: my mom has terminal lung cancer. We discovered it in october 2014 when she had a cold but it didn’t stop. Suddenly she started coughing and it became worse. The doctor thought she had an infection so she received some antibiotics to stop is. That didn’t work either. We all started to get worried, me, my father and little sister of 13 years (at the time). After pushing and a lot of examination, they took a scan and found a big tumor around her lungs and heart. It was already too late.

My mom has stage four lung cancer, it means the cancer cells can spread into the entire body by the blood veins or the lymph vessels. We discovered it too late: my mom was declared terminal and all we could do was to extend the time, but healing her was impossible at this moment.

It was really difficult for us to ‘accept’ the situation: my mom is a healty woman who never smoked, she excercised a lot and was always eating healty. We couldn’t understand why she got lung cancer. What I am going to say right now may sounds weird, but I think I could accept the situation better if she got breast cancer. Just because a lot of women get breast cancer, it is a ‘woman thing’.

The doctors told us that they couldn’t do anything: they gave her 6 months. My mom is a very stubborn woman, so she said: “I am not going to sit down and do nothing, I want to try a treatment, I don’t care if the treatment will kill me. If it does, than I tried everything to survive and to stay with my family longer.”

Her body was a mess: for a long time she was laying in the hospital for examination because she couldn’t breathe properly. There was fluid in her lungways which created the heavy breathing and coughing. My thoughts were: maybe within 3 months she is gone. For a small period I was thinking about ending my life. I couldn’t imagine myself without my mother: the person who carries you for 9 months, who put you on this planet and who gave up her job to stay home and raise you. But I still have a father, sister and a boyfriend. I can’t leave them behind, that would be selfish.

Within no time we started the first treatment with chemo, to see if it had any results on the tumor or her body. It was a time full of uncertainty ..

To be continued.

Thanks a lot for reading x

Love, An

⇒ INSTAGRAM – BLOGLOVIN’ – FACEBOOK – YOUTUBE ⇐

Follow:

15 Comments

  1. February 24, 2016 / 11:59

    Wow I just got teary eyed reading this post. I’m sorry to hear that you are all going through this.

    • February 24, 2016 / 12:04

      I get even more emotional because of your comment! Thanks for reading and supporting me xx

      • February 24, 2016 / 12:10

        No worries, it’s sometimes easier to write about thoughts and feelings rather than saying them out loud. I hate that practically everyone I know is touched by cancer one way or the other but please know there is support for you here on your blog.

  2. February 24, 2016 / 12:11

    I went through this with my mum. You feel so hopeless sometimes. Stay strong. x

  3. February 24, 2016 / 15:52

    I seriously cried reading this! I’m so sorry for the pain that you and your family are going through. I lost my grandmother 8 years ago to breast cancer. It’s a hurt that not a lot of people can accurately understand, but just know that you are so loved & never alone!

    Ashley

  4. February 24, 2016 / 16:22

    Hoi An,

    Ik spreek je nooit maar ik ken je van vroeger, ik woonde een paar huizen verderop bij mijn moeder. Ik wil je heel veel sterkte en kracht toe wensen voor jou, je vader moeder en zusje. Ondanks ik je niet meer spreek, denk ik aan je.

    Veel liefde,

    Oanh

  5. Hind
    February 24, 2016 / 17:03

    Meiss heftig te lezen! Keep positive.

  6. Judith
    February 24, 2016 / 17:44

    Lieve An, verdrietig om te lezen, maar mooi dat je je op deze manier kan uiten en dat je van veel mensen reacties krijgt. Hopelijk geeft dat je steun.. Sterkte en liefs, Judith (Rick’s petertante) ;o)

  7. February 24, 2016 / 19:41

    I’m sorry to hear that you’re going through this, I lost my aunty to lung cancer a few years ago. Stay strong hun<3

  8. February 26, 2016 / 23:11

    I’m so sorry, it can be hard when you see someone you love suffering. Keep being strong.

  9. March 9, 2016 / 16:20

    Hey girl! I came across this article and it broke my heart. I am so so sorry to hear this. You and your mom are in my thoughts and prayers. Cancer is such s terrible disease.
    My mom was diagnosed with stage four lymphoma a few years ago. After two years of fighting, she lost her battle with cancer.
    The entire process is excruciating. If you never need someone to talk to, keep me in mind.
    All my light and love.

    • March 9, 2016 / 17:00

      Thanks hon and so sad to hear that your mom passed away. Sometimes I feel that she will be in a better place if all of this is over, but for now I enjoy the small things with her. Thank you for the support and if I ever need advice or someone to cry on, I will let you know. Xx

Oh hello! What do you think about this post?