I started this blog as a way to share my love of make up and beauty. But not only that I also use these things as a way to keep my mind of a certain issue. An issue many families have to cope with sadly.
It’s something very personal and a lot of my friends en family around me don’t know what I experience in daily life or how I feel when I wake up. So far I don’t have a good experience with sharing my thoughts and feelings with other people in real life, so I thought: why not share my feelings and problems with you? Maybe you can help me out of this frustration.
I will tell you what is going on: my mom has terminal lung cancer. We discovered it in october 2014 when she had a cold but it didn’t stop. Suddenly she started coughing and it became worse. The doctor thought she had an infection so she received some antibiotics to stop is. That didn’t work either. We all started to get worried, me, my father and little sister of 13 years (at the time). After pushing and a lot of examination, they took a scan and found a big tumor around her lungs and heart. It was already too late.
My mom has stage four lung cancer, it means the cancer cells can spread into the entire body by the blood veins or the lymph vessels. We discovered it too late: my mom was declared terminal and all we could do was to extend the time, but healing her was impossible at this moment.
It was really difficult for us to ‘accept’ the situation: my mom is a healty woman who never smoked, she excercised a lot and was always eating healty. We couldn’t understand why she got lung cancer. What I am going to say right now may sounds weird, but I think I could accept the situation better if she got breast cancer. Just because a lot of women get breast cancer, it is a ‘woman thing’.
The doctors told us that they couldn’t do anything: they gave her 6 months. My mom is a very stubborn woman, so she said: “I am not going to sit down and do nothing, I want to try a treatment, I don’t care if the treatment will kill me. If it does, than I tried everything to survive and to stay with my family longer.”
Her body was a mess: for a long time she was laying in the hospital for examination because she couldn’t breathe properly. There was fluid in her lungways which created the heavy breathing and coughing. My thoughts were: maybe within 3 months she is gone. For a small period I was thinking about ending my life. I couldn’t imagine myself without my mother: the person who carries you for 9 months, who put you on this planet and who gave up her job to stay home and raise you. But I still have a father, sister and a boyfriend. I can’t leave them behind, that would be selfish.
Within no time we started the first treatment with chemo, to see if it had any results on the tumor or her body. It was a time full of uncertainty ..
To be continued.
Thanks a lot for reading x